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  1. Termite Farts

Lyrics

You’re awakened from your slumber by a creaking, cracking sound
Is it wind or rusty plumbing, the house settling down?
Is your furnace gonna blow and send you skyward like a dart?
Could be ghosts or maybe burglars, or it might be termite farts

CFCs, a Jersey cow, your chili-eating spouse
Are nothing to the methane factory underneath your house
There are sixty million termites for every one of us
And each of them ejects more greenhouse gases than a bus

Chorus:

Termites take to the wing and let fly
Like little bitty cattle stampeding through the sky
Looking for love and a place to call their home
These methane-making mini-monsters roam

As they nibble on your breakfast nook, these master engineers
Build ventilated colonies to last a hundred years
Then hordes of horny teenage termites yearn to try their wings
Propelled aloft on clouds of gas, they set out every spring


Chorus

Bridge:

You can spray those tiny wind-breakers until your face turns blue
And though it will, each one you kill will be replaced by two

So put away those pesticides, we’ve got a better plan
We’ll harness all the termite toots and put ‘em in a can
Trade fossil fuel for flatulence, make greenhouse gases pay
Put a termite in your tank and fart around all day

Chorus