1. What If?

From the recordings What If? and Down to Earth


The other night I had a most peculiar dream
My rusty old Toyota turned into a time machine
I threw it in reverse--it lurched, and took off with a blast
And I wondered what would happen if I monkeyed with the past. . .

What if Eve had said, “No thanks, I’m on a diet”
Would we still be in the garden in the buff
Would the Bible end with “In the beginning…”
Would no one ever say at dinner, “Christ, this ham is tough”

Or if Columbus had actually found India
Would India now be the USA
Would New Delhi be the place to buy pastrami
Would the Statue of Liberty raise her torch above Bombay


A tiny ripple can turn the tide of history
Toss a pebble in and change the flow
How we got to this point is a mystery
And where our dreams can take us, who’s to know

What if Shakespeare had been a bit dyslexic
Would “my noble lord” have been “me blony drol”
Would a sap have bitten poor old Cleopatra
Would Romiette and Julio have killed themselves for vole

Or if Mozart had grown up in Kentucky
Would we love his Eine Kleine Nacht Banjo
Would opera patrons whistle, hoot and holler
For the bluegrass Shotgun Wedding of Uncle Figaro


What if Honest Abe had lied like Richard Nixon
What if “Tricky Dick” had played it by the book
Would your uncle drive a Nixon Continental
Would the motto on the penny read, “I am not a crook”

Or if Einstein had been an ornithologist
Would our greatest weapon be the chicken bomb
Would “Ban the Bird!” be heard at poultry protests
Would a smidgeon of a pigeon blow us all to kingdom come


Toss a pebble in and change the flow!